Good Excuse
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Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river — look, my suit's still damp — ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "Yes I know no woman can get ready in ten minutes."
M&Ms
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An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.
One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.
When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.
The old man responded "That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms."
Interview
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Manager, interviewing a job applicant: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage."
Job Applicant: "Well Sir, the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
Expensive Monkeys
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A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey! Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C — very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive — $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
Scratching his head, the shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but the other two monkeys call him BOSS."
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