Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes 1 

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils…

Funny Quotes 2

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we

don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

Funny Quotes 3

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like,

and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

Funny Quotes 4

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button

you’ll be disconnected!

Funny Quotes 5

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see well

than he can think.

Funny Quotes 6

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

Funny Quotes 7

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

Funny Quotes 8

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns

Funny Quotes 9

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Mae West

Funny Quotes 10

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.
Oscar Wilde

                                          
Funny love quotes:

 
• Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.

• Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! — Anonymous

• Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. — Fulton J. Sheen

• When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.
And she never did. — James Fineous McBride

• You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into

your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.
– Jonathan Carroll

• A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears  –Woodrow Wyatt

Funny Friendship quotes:

• Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the

warm feeling that it brings.

• . “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows

that you are slightly cracked.” ~ Bernard Meltzer

• ”An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.” ~

Jim Hayes

• ”Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too?

I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis

• You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t

feel you’ve done a permanent job. Laurence J. Peter

 Funny life quotes:

• Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

• Everything has been figured out, except how to live

• Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to

take out.

• Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed

through life trying to save.

• Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much

imagination.

• Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and

some folks have half a one for breakfast.

• Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

• Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Famous Quotations by chanakya- Worth reading a million times…

 

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)

1) “A person should not be too honest.

Straight trees are cut first and honest people are victimized first.”

2) “Even if a snake is not poisonous,

It should pretend to be venomous.”

3 ) “The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody!

It will destroy you.”

4 ) “There is some self-interest behind every friendship.

There is no Friendship without self-interests.

This is a bitter truth.”

5 ) “Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it, what the results might be and will I be successful.

Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.”

6 ) “As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.”

 

“Once you start a working on something,

Don’t be afraid of failure and

Don’t abandon it.

People who work sincerely are the happiest.”

7 ) “The fragrance of flowers spreads

Only in the direction of the wind.

But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction.”

8 ) “A man is great by deeds, not by birth.”

9 ) “Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.

For the next five years, scold them.

By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.

Your grown up children are your best friends.”

 

 

10) “Books are as useful to a stupid person

As a mirror is useful to a blind person.”

11) “Education is the best friend.

An educated person is respected everywhere.

Education beats the beauty and the youth.”

All the Above Quotes given by Chanakya (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC). Give big Thanks for him for inspiring us with these greatest quotes.

Shaadi.com Indian Matrimonials

Famous Quotations On Love

beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

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A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. — Nanette Newman , British Actress

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A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.—Michel de Montaigne

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A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. — Zsa Zsa Gabor .

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A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life. —
Christopher Morley .

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A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. —
Baudelaire .

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it. —Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. —Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

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Flowers will die, sun will set…But u r my love that I wont forget…

Ur name is so precious; it will never grow old…

It’s engraved in my HEART wit letters of Gold!

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Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell

Someone how much you love, how much you care.

Because when they’re gone,

No matter how loud you shout and cry,

They won’t hear you anymore.

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D smallest word is I,

The sweetest word is LOVE

And the dearest person

In the world is U.

That’s why I Love you…

If love were to be taxed, I would be the highest tax payer,

You can’t buy Love… but you can pay heavily.

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First NiTe, First Sight, I Saw, I Knew, Love’s Sweeter than Mountain Dew, A Promise I made and’ Will keep, 2 Love YOU always….

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Love is not how Long U’ve Been 2gEthEr; not How Much U’ve given or receive; not how Many Times U’ve Helped Each Other — Its How U VALUE Each Other…

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My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never.

“LOVE”

Is medicine for any kind of pain

But Be Sure that

There is no medicine in the world,

For the pain given by “Love”

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When lots of people start to love you,

You may get confused whom to love,

Just tell them I hate you,

Everyone will get back,

But not the person who loves you truly.

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When time comes for u to give Ur heart to someone,

Make sure u select someone who will never break Ur heart,

Be Cuz broken hearts has never spare parts.

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Ultimate Truth of Love

Love Is What Can Be Felt Not Told

Love Can Be Given Not Sold

Love Comes When You Least Expect It

&

Leaves You When You Most Need It .

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When you love someone truly,

You don’t look for faults,

You don’t look for answers,

You don’t look for mistakes.

Instead, you fight the mistakes,

You accept the faults

And overlook the excuses.

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Love is something beautiful, a desire,

A feeling that one would like to catch.

Love is the feeling that makes you feel alive.

Love is something that may never go away!

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Love doesn’t ask who r u?

Love only says U r mine

Love doesn’t ask where do u live?

Love says U live in my heart

Love doesn’t ask do u love me?

Love only says I love u

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My love for u was so true,

You know that I would never forget u,

But now my heart is crushed n broken in two

I should have never fallen in love with u

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When things go wrong

When sadness fills Ur heart

When tears flow in Ur eyes

Always remember 3 things

1) I m with u

2) Still with u

3) Will ALWAYS be with U

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I have a heart n that is true,

But now it has gone from me to you,

So care for it just like I do,

Because I have no heart n U have two.

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When time comes for you to be in love with someone

Make sure you choose a right person

Who can care and show concern at any time,

Any moment and not only loves you

But also loves what you want.

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Quotations on friendship

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. —Walter Winchell

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes. — Doug Larson

A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else. — Len Wein

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. —Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? — Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen. —Samuel Paterson

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. —Thomas Jones

Good friends are good for your health.—Irwin Sarason

If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. — Blaise Pascal

There are three great friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. —Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. —E. W. Howe

With clothes the new are best; with friends the old are best. —Anonymous